Kanan is 3 months old today! It’s hard to believe that just three months ago I heard his first cry in the operating room after my cessarian section. A lot has happend this month. He started off the month getting his vaccinations and everything seemed to change after that. He went from sleeping until 3-530 in the morning before waking up to waking up atleast twice everynight starting at 130 in the morning. We think it was first a reaction to the vaccinations. Then the next week it was probably a growth spurt. And the week after that it was probably just habit from the two weeks prior. In the meantime, he was also getting really bad acid reflux to the point where we have recently started to medicate him with an infant dose of Zantac. He has been on Zantac for four days now. The first three days on Zantac he slept until atleast 4 in the morning. Last night, he woke up once at 230 am but stayed asleep after that. So far so good. But, I started eating dairy again after being off of it a week and the last two days Kanan has been a bit fussier in the day and very cranky around naptime. I’m getting off the dairy again tomorrow and will stay off for atleast two weeks to see if it makes a difference. Oh the price I must pay so that I can breastfeed my son. 🙂

He has still been growing and learning this month despite how tired he has left Mike and I. He is “talking” all the time and loves his newly discovered hands. Since he discovered his hands he is always analyzing them, playing with his fingers, sucking on them, grabbing my hair, holding toys, and pulling on his shirt. He is also outgrowing his hatred for car rides and is having more and more good days where he sits in his carseat quietly and sucks on his hands, looks at the dangling Zebra I hang from the handle, or out the window. Because he has gotten so observant and has strengthened his neck muscles as well, I decided to test him out in the big kid seat of his stroller instead of putting him in his carseat and he LOVES his walks now. We go everyday in the afternoon and Kanan looks around at everything while eagerly sucking on his hands or trying to eat his hooded sweatshirt while we stroll along. Today we went again during one of his fussy episodes and it was the only 15 minutes that he didn’t whine! 😛

Most days though, Kanan is in a good mood and smiles and coos all day long. He does have his fussy moments but nothing that is difficult to handle. Overall we have decided that he is a sensitive baby and in effect, is easily overstimulated by anything from a new toy to too much light coming through his window when its time to take a nap. So we do have to be careful about this or else his naps are affected. He has Mike’s intense desire to be on the move constantly and his ease at being distracted, and he has my love of color and conversation. As far as looks go, he has my bottom lip and my crooked toe. Thats it and thats all. The rest is Mike Mike Mike.

For links to more pics click HERE and for links to great videos including one of Kanan caught farting and pooping and others of him playing with his dad or of him picking up and trying to eat his rattle, click HERE.

Since Kanan started losing his hair about two and half weeks ago, he has also started showing me more and more of his personality as his milestones are helping him communicate more. He has gained much more control of his hands lately and while I already discovered a month ago that he really loves his satin blanket (I call it his silky, Mike calls it his softy) Kanan most recently showed that not only does he like to cuddle with it when he falls asleep, he also likes to put it over his head, I’m assuming to block out the light, which he finds very distracting at nap time. About three days ago, Kanan made it clear that he did not want to be swaddled for his afternoon nap. I was having a hard time getting him to relax enough to fall asleep that I thought maybe his Silky would help. He cuddled with it, pulled it over his head and passed out. When I pulled it off his head in fear he would suffocate, he whined and pulled it back over his head. So I let him do it and just periodically peak into his crib and make sure he is getting enough air under the blanket by lifting an edge up and tucking it over the top of his crib bumper. His Grammy Joella and his father both wear sunglasses until dusk because they are so sensitive to the sunlight. Looks like Kanan got that gene as well. I’m going to get some black out curtains for his room I think, so the little balding boy can relax a little easier without creating fear in his Mama.

Kanan had his 2 month vaccinations today. Not pretty. The pobresito hurt so bad, he did the silent scream. You know the kind when you are in such pain that no noise can even come out of your mouth even though your face is contorted into scream position? That was Kanan todayat the doctor’s office while the nurse stuck four-3-inch-long seperate needles into his thighs. But I was prepared today. I went out and bought a ring sling yesterday and Kanan was able to have the biggest case of Mamitas today while saving my arms from his constant weight. He cried when I first put him in it, but within a few seconds, he settled himself and hung out in it for a couple of hours today and was even able to crack a few smiles here and there. Aside from hanging around the house in the sling, we took a walk and smelled all the spring flowers in neighborhood front yards. Kanan’s favorite ones to smell were the Jasmine and his favorite ones to look at were the bright fusia flowers across the street.  We also bought some vegetables from the produce cart down the street. Then I left him with his Dad while I went out to get a video from Blockbuster and returned to see Kanan in the kitchen sitting in his bouncer with his shirt off while watching his father make tacos and dance to the music on the stereo. He even let me eat dinner while he watched from his bouncer and held his tshirt and sucked on his pink pacifier. Then I nursed him and put him to bed around 730. I was sooo impressed! I’m prepared to wake up  a bit more tonight if Kanan isn’t feeling well. But so far, without the Babywise routine, Kanan woke up only once last night at around 330am. 🙂

I had to check his temperature a few times today to monitor his fever though. But instead of using the temporal thermometer, I had to use the rectal. It was my first time taking his temperature this way. But with Mike holding the little guy’s feet and a little bit of KY on the wand, Kanan didn’t seem to mind.

The doctor did notice that one side of Kanan’s head is flatter than the other, so we will have to start having him sleep on one side instead of on his back since he tends to turn his head to the right when he sleeps. If we don’t, Kanan’s face could change shape and we would have to have him wear one of those helmets we see some kids crawling around in these days.

On the brighter side, Kanans new stats include.

• Weight: 14.5 lbs
• Height: 24.5 inches

His head circumfrence is in the 75th percentile. And both his weight and height are in the 90-95th percentiles still. So looks like he is getting enough to eat from Mommy’s milk. He will be able to sport those chunky thighs at the beach this summer, while I hide the 8 pounds of pregnancy weight and my linea nigra I still have in a tankini. Until the heat rises though, we will both go fully clothed minus the socks. Kanan loves to feel the wet sand between his toes—just like his Mama.

When I was pregnant with Kanan, I just gobbled up anything and everything I could read that would prepare me for my pregnancy, labor, and parenthood. These included What to Expect When Your Expecting, Great Expectations, Happiest Baby on the Block, Baby 411, and the contraversial Baby Wise. I’m a very organized person and things make sense to me when there is a logical pattern or steps involved in how they work and I can see visually how everything flows. I’ve kept a planner since I was in the 7th grade if that helps you understand me a bit more–with planning, I know what to expect and I can control my environment if I know the patterns and steps. So when Babywise told me that I could get my child to fit a schedule that I set and as a result also get him to sleep through the night by 8 weeks, I was dead set on following through with the author’s directions. When I told my friends and family members who have had kids what my plan was, they all smiled this knowing smile and said “that’s nice,” as if I was setting myself up for disappointment. But I kept telling myself that it would work because it had to. There were steps right? There were patterns and a framework. It HAD to work. Well I followed the book minus letting the baby cry it out and after 10 weeks of stress and anxiety over the fact that my child was not conforming to the steps and patterns I had set up, nor was he sleeping through the night despite my attempts at following the routine, I decided yesterday to throw the book out and let Kanan decide what those patterns and steps would be with a little guidance on my part.

Right when I decided to stop it, an instant weight lifted from my shoulders that I didn’t realize was there because of the constant anxiousness I have been holding about all the flaws in our day. But there were reasons I was anxious. When Kanan was on my schedule (or wasn’t), I could only get him to nap for 45 mintues most of the time and stay up for no longer than one and a half hours before he got fussy. The day never flowed the same as the day before or the day after even if I set a first morning feeding. He often woke up early for naps or wouldn’t nap at all despite his dreadful fatigue and all day, I would spend playing catch up. Sometimes when he woke up tired and fussy from his short nap and he would eat, he would then want to fall asleep when the book instructed me to make sure he stayed awake after a feeding and not go to sleep. And so with my attempts to keep him awake, he just became overtired and further fueled his inability to settle himself down and just sleep like he needed. Kanan seemed to always do what I didn’t want him to do when it came to the schedule and so I was always irritated by that fact. I’ve already got a hint of his teenage years–he won’t like a schedule and he’ll want to do the opposite of what I ask…..great (insert sarcastic smile here 🙂 )

The climax started to rise over the last 2-3 weeks when more problems started to rise (right around his week 7 growth spurt). These included much more difficulty with getting Kanan to sleep and stay asleep. Much more fussiness on his part. And then a disruption in his night sleep which hadn’t happend before. He started waking twice in the night again a couple of times.

Today has been the second day of doing it Kanan’s way. Needless to say that just today, he has had two wakeful periods that lasted 2 hours before he was ready for a nap and there was no fussiness in either one. He took two 2-hour naps and two 45 minute naps today. He was ready for bed naturally by 730 pm and went to sleep for the night at 8pm. He ate all of his needed feedings every 2-3 1/2 hours. Sometimes he slept afterward and sometimes he didn’t. Kanan didn’t get crying fussy until he told me it was time for bed around 730 tonight and one time today for a few minutes when I didn’t pick up his hunger cues, but luckily I carry the breast with me, so that was quickly remedied. 🙂

We will see tonight how his schedule affects his night sleep. But because he had such long stetches of wakefulness, some sunshine today, lots of stimulation from visiting family members, and some decent rest (a well rested baby in the day is a well rested baby at night they say) I would bet that he sleeps well.

So to all you friends and family members out there who also did the Babywise thing and either had it work or didn’t. I am saying loud and proud that Babywise isn’t for Kanan as much as it was for me. But I am quickly learning that it is not about me anymore. So I’m letting my type A personality relax into the shape of a B and I’m letting go. So goodbye Babywise. Goodbye and good riddance.

It has been almost 7 weeks since this little man has been in our lives and we have been trying desperately to get him packed with enough calories during the day so that he sleeps for atleast a 5-6 hour stretch. We’ve bought a couple of books with tips and recently bought the “Miracle blanket” to keep his hands from waking him up in the middle of the night and hopefully buy us a couple more hours of sleep (well, buy me some sleep atleast since I’m the one getting up 90% of the time). Well this morning, Kanan decided to wake up at 5:50 am after his middle of the night feeding when he woke me up at 3am. My goal is to start the morning at 7-7:30 and Kanan has made it to that point a few times. This morning after Mike tried to get him back to sleep and realized it just wasn’t going to happen, I went in with my eyes still closed and dragging my feet, praying to God to help me get through the morning happily. I picked him up and layed him down on the changing table to change his diaper and put him in his day clothes before I fed him and played with him. There he lay, hair in disarray from his active sleep and he looks up at me and smiles the biggest smile I’ve ever seen. I took a picture. Ok, I thought, he is worth it.

Kanan experienced his first Easter this year and wore a festive bunny outfit too because he is so little he can get away with it. Of course Mike believes I tortured the kid in the same way the little boy in The Christmas Story was tortured by having to wear a bunny outfit. But in my opinion when you are one month old, you can get away with bunny outfits. Kanan slept through most of it as he was quite overwhelmed by all the attention he got in the hour or so that he was being sociable. Click HERE for pics of the family on that special day.

Other than that, Kanan is 5 weeks old now and has reached two milestones this last week. One, he is starting to copy faces now. My sister Barbie helped us discover this last week when she came to visit. She would stick her tongue out—Kanan would stick his tongue out. She would make a fish face—he would make a fish face. He has done it a couple more times since then, when he is in the mood of course. And secondly, Kanan is smiling now!! He has given a genuine smile on a few occasians this week. One when he is rubbed in his silky blanket. Another when he sees his favorite stuffed animal while having his diaper changed. Its a cute black and white lamb that his great grandma and grandpa Hill got him in France. And lastly, this morning when I layed him down on his changing table and started talking to him in a high pitched baby-talk voice, he smiled at me and held it for a few seconds or so!!

He went to my work today and visited with some of the teachers on campus whom have become my good friends. Everyone thought he was super cute of course and that he was a big baby. We even got a good lead for a babysitter and so I will be calling her soon to see if she has room for Kanan when I go back to work!

Wow, what a week! Kanan arrived last Sunday morning on March 11th by emergency cecessarian cection and he is finally home after his first 5 days and 4 nights in the hospital. It is day 7 today and I am just now finding a moment to write about what took place. I knew being a mother would take my time, but darn, I didn’t realize it would be this much….:) By no means am I complaining. Mike and I LOVE being parents! Kanan is healthy and beautiful and we are so happy to be home with him. My mother gave him a nickname that is just perfect for him—“Angel Doll.” Here is his birth story:

On Friday morning, I lost my plug and that night, I started getting contractions that got closer and closer until they were about 5 minutes apart. While they were not making me buckle down in pain, they were definitely stronger than period cramps and combine that with some bleeding and a little water, I thought I was in labor for sure. We left the Mower concert at this time–(yes, we were at a Mower show at Canes…lol). Mike and I arrived at the hospital at midnight and the nurse checked me out. I was not dialated and she said the blood was normal and the water was probably urine. I was sent home with a shot of Visitril in my hip to help me sleep through any possible more contractions. I slept well, but when I woke up, the contractions were far apart and sporadic again. This continued through the rest of the day.

Saturday night, however, the contractions picked up again and I layed in bed all night wide awake and watched the clock as my contractions got closer and closer together and stronger each time. By the time 330 am hit, though, I was starting to get the shivers and they were getting really bad. I thought maybe by body was shivering from the shock of the pain, but when 630am hit and I was still shaking under the blankets and freezing cold between and through contractions, I decided to wake Mike (yes, he slept like a log throughout the whole night and didn’t even know I was contracting) and see if he could get me the thermometer. He did and my temperature was 99.8 degrees. We figured it was a little high, but nothing to be too concerned about. Nor was I too concerned that everytime I got up from the bed, my bladder leaked badly. I figured the baby’s head was really low and was just pushing everything out of my bladder. One hour later, I felt worse and my temperature was now 100.4 degrees. Between that rise and the fact that I was contracting about ever 2 minutes, we decided to chance being sent back home and go to the hospital again. This was around 7am.

By the time I was on the bed in the hospital room, my contractions were so bad, I seriously wanted to die. I thought that I must be dialated atleast 3 centimeters by now and was hoping they would say “here is your epideral.” Unfortunately, I was dialated only 1 centimeter. How was I going to get through 2 more centimeters before drugs? I didn’t think I was going to make it. I was crying by this point and the nurse felt my face and said I felt really warm. She checked my temperature which was now 102.7 degrees. The baby’s heart rate had jumped to an alarming speed of 190 bpm and she was worried. She said because of my fever and the baby’s reaction, I was staying. She called the on-call-doctor and while we waited for him, she told me I might have to have a c-section if my fever didn’t significantly improve and Kanan’s heartrate didn’t slow down. They gave me a shot of Tylenol and that it brought it down to 99.4 degrees.

When Doctor White showed up, he checked my cervix and noticed that my bag had broken (so THAT was the “urine” I felt trickling out!) and said this might have something to do with the fever. He asked me some questions and decided the bag had probably been broken since atleast Friday when I originally went into the hospital, but was probably initially a high tear, which is why I didn’t get the stereotypical “gush” of the water breaking we see on so many movies. This would leave enough time for an infection to take place and so confirmed his belief that we needed to get this baby out ASAP, regardless of temperature. When he asked me permission, I said “whatever is good for the baby” and honestly felt that way, but additionally, I was relieved to know that the intense pain I was feeling would be over very soon this way.

Twenty minutes later, I was getting a spinal block and 5 minutes after that, Kanan was pulled out of my belly. Most family hadn’t even shown up yet before the show was all done. My mother had gotten there in time, however, and prayed with Mike outside the operating room before walking him to the door. She said Mike had his hands on his face and was hunched over—after the operation when we were talking, he shared that he was filled with so many emotions and he was scared for me and for the baby since we both were not doing well. She rubbed his back and prayed outloud. He said he felt much better when she was done. When he came in though, he sure was strong. They put up a sheet so I couldn’t see below my chest. Mike had to stay north of the sheet with me. He did peak around the side and said that after they took Kanan out, they layed my organs out on my chest before putting them in place and sewing me back up. Guess he has now seen parts of me that I haven’t even seen. Before then, however, I remember laying there, feeling some pressure and hearing the doctor say “he has a big head.” Then I was warned about some more pressure I would feel as they pulled him out of me and sure enough I was grunting because the pressure was quite strong–no pain, but definitely the most movement I’ve ever felt in my belly before. But then I heard Kanan’s sweet cry and knew he was well. Mike started emotionally describing what he was seeing. I could hear the tears in his eyes while he explained that he had lots of hair, blue eyes, and blue skin (the umbilical cord was wrapped once around his neck!) But the doctor interjected with “its a healthy blue.”

Mike went with the doctor over to the table to help them clean the now screaming Kanan up and cut his umbilical cord. They brought our child over to me and held him next to my head. He instantly stopped crying. It was amazing. I kept telling him I loved him over and over again. When they pulled him away to take him to the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit, he started crying again and I felt such an intense feeling of love and loss all at the same time. I just wanted to go with him. But the next best thing happpend–I knew Mike would be able to go with him to NICU and make sure he was okay. I hoped to see him soon.

But when they wheeled me off to recovery, I discovered that because I had a fever, they were worried I had an infection and so I would not be allowed to see my son for 24 hours. It was heartbreaking to not be able to be with him, so I literally day dreamed for the next day and intently listened to all my family members describe him in their own way as they had all taken turns to go up to NICU and visit him over the course of the day. They explained that NICU had him hooked up to an IV and IV antibiotics in case he caught whatever was causing my fever. They also were treating him for water in the lungs which is a common problem with cessarian babies. This would go on for atleast 3 days unless the blood culture came out positive for a bacteria–then that could mean he would be in there for 7-10 days and I would have to go home without him. Mike and I were filled with excitement over the birth of our little boy but scared that he could be ill. I didn’t even care what was wrong with me. I remember telling God that I would gladly be very ill if it meant Kanan would be healthy.

But God had bigger and better plans for me. The next morning at 930, I was 24-hour free of a fever and took a sponge bath and even did my makeup before going up to see my son. I wanted to make a good first impression for him. If you see the pictures, you will see how in just those 24 hours, all the water weight I had packed on the last two days before labor just disappeared, so I already felt a bit more confident about seeing him because I looked more like myself. Funny enough, in weeks prior, I imagined labor to happen smoothly enough that I would have entered the labor room with my legs shaved, my toenails painted, and my hair and make up done. But on this morning, I couldn’t even talk, let a lone get up to shave my legs or do my hair or makeup. Hense, between my poor hair and makeup and my intense swelling, I didn’t even look like me. But not today. Today, I prepared to see my baby boy. Mike wheeled me up to NICU in a wheelchair as my cessarian operation left me unable to walk so soon and we looked like two little kids weaving in and out of the halls up to the third floor–laughing and kissing and glowing on our way to see our baby.

For the next 3 days while Mike came and went because of work, I went up to NICU every 3 hours to nurse Kanan. It was so tiring, but I really wanted to nurse him even though the nurses there tried to convince me that I would be more of a benefit to Kanan if I used that time to rest instead. Yeah right…. for the first 2 days, I was thriving off of like 6 hours of sleep, but the thought of not seeing him filled me with anxiety and I was getting jealous of the nurses because they were the ones changing his diapers and cleaning his embilical cord stump and even feeding him with a bottle–all the things that I should have been doing. I was always eager and excited to head up to see him and sad when I had to leave. The hours in between visits were spent day dreaming of him and missing him. I couldn’t concentrate long enough to read an article or watch a Seinfeld episode without images of Kanan floating in and out. So the only thing I could get done in between NICU runs was get IV antibiotics, eat, and talk with visitors.

On the fourth day, everything changed. When I went up to nurse Kanan that morning, the nurse informed me that Kanan would be coming downstairs to be in my care at last. It was a paramount moment for me that I wish Mike could have experienced with me. Kanan and I cuddled and napped all day long rogether in my room before leaving home the next day and I finally got to count every single toe and every single finger. I got to kiss him and talk to him and love him without anyone looking over my shoulder or sticking him with needles and IV’s. I will never forget those hours with him for as long as I live. They were the most pure moments of my life.

Kanan has now been home for two full days now. We are learning a little bit more about him everyday and what he likes and doesn’t like. He is a very sweet baby who loves sleeping, eating, burping, and listening to his dad play the guitar. He doesn’t like to be cold or have his diaper changed. And he doesn’t like pizza because it gives him a tummy ache after he nurses.

He has changed our lives forever in the most positive of ways and all the work that took him to be here was well worth it. When I sit down and look at him, I cry because of how amazing he is.

More Pics to come!