I just recieved a letter in the mail from the district office. The Board of Education has approved my change in status from probationary to TENURED! To all those teachers out there, you understand why I am so jazzed. This means that my job is secure within the district. I don’t have to sign any more contracts or worry about whether or not I will have a job the year afterward. Now, every year, it is expected that I will remain teaching within the district. At this point I have proven that I am a “tenured” teacher and the district wants me for good. Finally financial stability and security in knowing that no matter what happens with the ups and downs of real estate in Mike’s job, our little family will always have my income to depend on and ride us through the tough times. I’m so happy!
Kanan is almost there!
Kanan is sooooo close to being fully mobile. Check him out in action here!
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snot, snot, and more snot
Yes, Kanan has officially caught his first cold. And of all the times to catch it, his symptoms arise exactly 24 hours after his dad Mike left for Mexico for a week on a surf trip. “Call him” you might say. I would if his phone worked that far south but that is not the case. And he has his number forwarded to his business partner Brad. Meanwhile, Kanan is sneezing gallons of snot, he is coughing, he can’t sleep well because he can’t breathe and he can’t eat well for the same reason. When he is not eating or sleeping, he has moments of happiness if I can distract him from his misery with live puppet shows and tickling. He woke up at 3 am last night and finally fell back asleep after crying for an hour and half because he was miserable. At first, I wasn’t sure why he was so upset but then I heard his congested breathing and figured it out. I finally put him in his infant seat (poor baby is so big, his legs dangle off of it from the knees down and the safety harness won’t even fit him) to keep his head elevated and squirted saline in his nose to break up the snot and he finally went back down. Of course I set up the infant seat in my bed so he had me next to him to comfort him if he needed it.
Today his room is set up for sick mode. He is napping in his infant seat right now, which I placed in his crib with the vibration on. I have the vaporizer plugged in to help him breathe and a Vicks Vapor Plug In, which emits menthol vapors into the room to help also. He won’t let me aspirate his nose so I have to hold his arms with one arm and hold his head with the other while also trying to use the aspirator with the same hand and keep from crying myself because he is screaming and crying real tears. He has eaten a total of 8 oz in the last 6 hours which is half of what he normally drinks. I have to go to work tomorrow and thank god, his day care provider Bobbi is willing to still take him in but only because he is the only kid she has right now so she won’t have to worry if he is contagious. But if he develops a fever or he becomes too much to handle, I will have to get a substitute and take care of the little boy during the day myself because his Dad won’t be here to help. Regardless, I know I will have to wake up to help soothe my sweet, sick little man multiple times tonight and perhaps the next few nights until he feels better and I will not be able to have Mike help me with shifts. “Give him some cold medicine” you might advice. Well I looked into them and all the ones they have for infant nasal congestion have pseudoephedrine in it. Sure that stuff will clear his nose, but it will also make his heart race and make him hyper, not sleepy. So cold medicine is out of the question. So after little sleep, I will have to wake up extra early to get ready for work, feed and get Kanan ready for daycare, drive him there, and be at work by 715. Then after work, race back to Bobbi’s to pick up the little boy and be mommy nurse until he goes to bed, at which point I will have to work on grading and lesson planning. Thank goodness I have coffee. Boy will I deserve a back massage when Mike gets back. Wish me luck! And by the way, single mommies out there, how do you do it?
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Kanan Is 6 months!
He is 6 months old, weighs 18 lbs, hasn’t gone in to get his 6 months shots but will in a couple of weeks. He is sleeping through the night consistently now, just hit a growth spurt a few days ago and drank like 40 oz within a 24 hour period. Overnight he reached the milestone of being able to hold himself in crawling position and rock back and forth. I tried catching it on video here, but it only shows a quick glimse at how well he can rock. I suspect crawling will be here within the month!! I better start locking my cabinets and putting plugs in all the electrical outlets! Ah…just one more thing to add to my busy little life. I’m absolutely exhausted and flying by the seat of my pants, but I am happy. So I suppose despite the chaos, life is good. Click HERE for photos too!
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New Babies, Camping, and Returning to Work….busy busy busy
Last weekend was our last weekend before I unofficially went back to work and we wanted to go out with a bang. So, we pulled out the RV camper in the backyard and loaded it onto the truck and took off to Carpenteria, a beach town close to Santa Barbara. It was Kanan’s first time going out in the camper and calling it home for 3 days. He did amazingly well as always. He is such the traveler! He slept for his naps fairly well up on the big bed above the cab of the truck despite the fact that Mike and I were cooking or playing cards just a couple feet away from him. He also slept with us at night on the bed and we tried not to move around too much or else wake him up.
We met up with our friends Lisa and Jeremy and their son Nolan as well as the rest of their relatives as they were also camping at the state beach there. Kanan loved the beach of course and discovered the sand. I took a great video of him first discovering the sand. I layed him right onto it and just let him discover. I’m so happy I did! Check out the videos and the pictures!
A couple of weeks ago, my cousin Breanna and her husband Steve had their second baby! His name is Joseph Ryan and he looks just like his dad! I went up to visit him when he was just a few days old and he was just the tiniest thing. He weighed about one pound less than Kanan when Kanan was born, and it made such a big difference. Still, I don’t remember Kanan even being close to that small, but I think it is because by the time he was two weeks old, he weighed 10 lbs!
I did go back to work this week and it took a couple of days for both Kanan and I to adjust to our new routine. He prefers to just play with his dad and gets so excited by him that he has a difficult time just settling down and eating when Mike tries to feed him. Hopefully, he will adjust to that change too. I don’t think it has clicked yet that I’m a working mom because while I returned to work this week, I wasn’t actually teaching, but going to school meetings and setting up my classroom. I think once I’m in full teaching mode, reality will really set in. I just hope I don’t break down crying by Wednesday like I think I will do.
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Back to School=Back to Work
Summer is ending and kids are roaming in the stationary aisles looking for the perfect pen and clean white paper to start the new school year off. This is the signal that seemed so far away just a few months ago but instead has plumeted into existance very suddenly. It is time for me to take off the lounge clothes and the full-time mommy hat and trade it in for pencil skirts and collared blouses (except for Fridays like the picture here) because it is time to go back to work. It is a reality with a bittersweet aroma, but its flavor will become clearer once I am experiencing being a working mom.
I am in many ways excited about getting back into the classroom. I love teaching and it will give me a sense of myself again, but what makes this transition bitter for me is that I will no longer be spending my whole day with my precious son. I think I’m going to cry everyday the first month until I get used to not seeing him all day. But I’ve worked out a plan to try and maximize the amount of time I can spend with him. Contrary to belief, a teacher’s work life is not 8-3 at all. Sure we teach customarily within that time frame, but all the work planning, grading, and filling out state-mandated forms comes at different hours. The hours teacher’s like to call the “3-6.” This is the part teacher’s don’t like. And its the part that could really affect whether or not I see my son much before he goes to bed. So here is my planned schedule to make the most of things. Where I will fit eating dinner and taking a shower, I’ll have to figure out later, but hopefully it will work.
530 am–wakeup, dress, makeup, coffee, breakfast
630 am–wake up Kanan and feed, diaper, dress, and kiss him goodbye (Mike will take over from here)
700 am–leave for work
710 am–last minute preparations in classroom
740 am-240 pm– teach with one free class to prepare a bit more and pump and a 30-minute lunch break in which Mike says he will come by a couple times a week and bring Kanan. 🙂
240-315 pm–fast cleanup and prepare for next day
330-730 pm–Mommy/Kanan time!!!! Although he will probably be napping until 430 😦 But I suppose I can use that time to pump again, shower, or wind down and have a snack or clean up the house a bit. But when Kanan wakes up, its all about walks and cuddling, baths, baby massage and more cuddling and then a good nursing session and a kiss to bed. Sorry Dad, you had him during the day so can you please make dinner instead?
730-930 pm–NO MORE MOVIES OR TELEVISION—Tuesdays and Thursdays work on lesson planning for the week ahead, grading, and mundane paperwork. As an extra positive, according to research this is a primetime for brain power along with 9am-11am. Mondays and Wednesdays go to the gym. Fridays? I think I deserve to veg out on the couch for once!
1000/1030 pm–Bed
Well wish me luck and pray that Kanan still remembers me and holds the same bond with me when all of this comes into play. Luckily I will still have the weekends with him. And I am so happy that he atleast has his Dad for a few hours in the day and doesn’t have to spend 8 hours at daycare like so many children. Maybe one day in the next couple of years I can switch to part-time or take a couple of years off to take care of him until he starts school. But unless Mike gets hired with a fire department and does well with real estate, that will remain a pipe dream.
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Kanan is 5 months old!
This last month has been our favorite by far. One thing all those books I read that is for certain true is the magic date of the 4 month birthday. Kanan has really developed into a little boy this month and remains a greater joy than ever before. This last month, we have gone to the beach, daily walks around the neighborhood, grocery shopping and out to eat. We even went on a 5-day vacation to Rock Creek near Mammoth and Kanan loved it there. He did an amazing job handling the altitude and the 6-8 hour drive there and back. We have tried to give the little boy many fun experiences from which he can learn. We think he is really enjoying his little life and it is an honor to be the ones to introduce the little things we take for granted but he finds amazing— the smooth texture of a flower petal, the softness of the satin edge of a blanket, the circular movement of a ceiling fan, the laughter of children at play, the refreshing water beads that condensate on the outside of a cold beverage, or even the sweet and earthy taste of peas. For pics click HERE! For videos, including one of Kanan discovering his tongue, click HERE!
Communication–Kanan has really grown into a little boy. He cries only if he is hungry or really tired and instead whines to communicate his frustrations. He loves to “talk” and makes the most interesting noises. One that he say’s often for some reason is “elw” and “amy.” He will sometimes say “mum” but not as much as he used to. When he doesn’t want to be in a certain place or position he communicates his desire to move by arching his back and reaching his arms out for us to pick him up. When he does want something he is excited about, he kicks his legs over and over, purses his lips out, widens his eyes, and squeels.
Sight–Kanan can really see now and is very aware of the little things because of this. He discovered the dogs this month and is facinated with them. He just stares and watches and them when ever they cross his vision. He has tried to pet them, but just seems to want to pull their hair, which of course doesn’t make them happy, so we are often flattening his hand and running it over their coats and saying, “nice touch.” During our walks, while Kanan still notices the flowers and trees, he has now gained a sense of appreciation for signs and people. He studies people very carefully and will twist his neck to continue watching them. This of course, just gets everyone smiling and talking about him.
Taste–We are working on those little taste buds since Kanan has begun trying out solids. We are not giving him full on meals but just having him get used to the spoon and different foods while waiting 3 days before we offer him something new. He is indifferent to rice cereal unless its mixed with something. He loves peas, likes green beans, loves sweet potatoes and pears, and is moody about bananas.
Physical Development–Kanan is a hair shy of 17 lbs (16 lbs 14 ounces) is 27 inches long and remains in the 90th percentile for his age. He wears size 3 diapers 6-9 month clothing. He can roll from back to tummy and tummy to back. He can sit up with his boppy pillow supporting him and loves to sit in his high chair because he can play with multiple toys that way. He can transfer his toys back forth between his left and right hands and can take his pacifier out of his mouth and put it back in. He loves his jumparoo he borrowed from his 1-year-old friend Nolan and jumps in it everyday. He loves it.
Sleep--Kanan naps fairly well through out the day. He normally takes two long naps and one short nap and goes to bed between 7 and 8pm every night. He has slept through the night about 6 times in the last 2 1/2 weeks and even did last night after his vaccinations, which surprised us because he woke up a billion times the night of his 2 month vaccinations.
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Inspiration takes me
I just finished this book I bought at the grocery store entitled, “Happiness Sold Seperately.” I thought it would be an easy read, but good because on the back, the reviews describe the fiction story as sympathetic toward all its characters and it was about a number of interesting themes—infertility, a broken marriage, and infidelity.To see how a writer could write about those themes and yet make the reader sympathetic toward all the characters piqued my interest and so I bought it. It took me two days to finish the 294 page novel and I am so hapy I picked it up. But one thing has been driving me crazy. The author leaves the reader hanging. We know what is going to happen next, but how will it happen? To some that might not be important. But the writer in me finds a deep appreciation for the how. And so, because I couldn’t simply hope for how it would end if this story were true, I just had to write my own ending. The way I would hope it would. The way it does in my mind.
The Ending
Before she grabs her keys to head out the door, Elinor does one last thing. She calls Gina at the gym.
***
As Gina drives back home with Toby in the passenger seat, she is quiet in thought. Should she really trust Elinor’s plan? Elinor told her to show up at the hospital around 8pm and to bring Toby. She said that she knows that Ted is in love with her and that after the accident, she realized that he deserves to be happy. That try as they may, they were not happy. They once were, but they “flooded only the surface and didn’t get to the roots” or something like that. She said she was filing for a divorce and she is happy that Ted found someone that appreciates him. He is such a loyal man.
But what if she is wrong? What if Ted really isn’t in love with her and he really wants to stay with Elinor? Sure he called her “Angel” at the hospital, but he was drugged up. He could have thought she were Elinor for all she knew. But that look in his eyes. The same look he gave her when they made love. With that deep, free, child-like peace in his eyes.
But what about Toby? She can’t let her son hurt any longer. He loved Ted so much. Just like her. Both heartbroken. What if Elinor changes her mind in two weeks and then Ted’s loyalty brings him to break up with her and her son once more? What if, what if, what if? But Elinor had a vindication in her voice that seemed rooted deep. And she didn’t even seem angry or overly emotional at all. There was a peace in her voice when she called her. A peace that made her believe her enough to grab Toby from the café and leave her client during his push up session.
She will wear the sarong wrap skirt when she goes to see him. He loves that skirt. Lets just hope he really loves her. Excitement floods her veins and she looks at her son who smiles for the first time in weeks.
“Can I call Dr. Mackey Dad?” Toby asks, looking out the window.
“Hopefully one day, Toby. But lets just stick to Ted first, okay?”
***
Ted laughed with Elinor as she read the Dave Barry essays at his bedside in the hospital. But there was a sadness in his eyes and in his breath that made Elinor even more positive that she was making the right decision. He would stay with her, yes. He would adopt with her, yes. All because he made those vows and he is truly sorry he broke them and would do anything to not hurt her again, forgetting that she was already hurt. But all the while he will be suffering inside. He will never be truly happy with her and deep down she knows, she will never be truly happy with him. On the surface, they would look fine. Like the old oak in her yard, large and seemingly strong, but dying inside. Rotten from the inside out with disease that would slowly get to the surface. He has spent the last 5 years trying to make her happy and she never was. Yes, it was time she made him happy. To let him go. To let this all go. The infertility, the affair, the hypothetical them. It was time.
“Ted, I love you,” Elinor said sternly, interrupting the silence that followed their laughter, “ And I know you love me, but I know you are not in love with me anymore.”
“What? El, I love you. I have always loved you.”
“You love me, yes. But you are not in love with me. You once were, before all of this childless grief changed me. Before it turned me into this bitter woman. And perhaps you are still in love with the woman I once was. But I’m not her anymore. And I’m not bitter anymore. I’m okay with all of this. I forgive you. I forgive myself.”
Ted lay on his hospital bed silently. A content, but questioning smile on his face and sadness still in his eyes.
“I know you would stay with me to the end to make me happy. That you would sacrifice your own happiness for me. But I’m not going to let you. You love Gina. She loves you. It was so obvious when I saw you look at her after you woke up from your sedated dream and didn’t know I was there. And the truth is, I want you to be happy. You deserve to be happy.”
“What are you saying El?”
“I’m going through with the divorce papers, Ted. And I want you to be with Gina.”
He breathes in deep, his blue hospital gown tightening against his expanding chest as he takes his air in and thinks about what she just said.“We could have been really happy, right El? I mean, if none of this infertility ever happened?”
“And we once were Ted. So let’s just cherish and remember that. I don’t want to fight anymore. I don’t want to be bitter anymore. I will always love what we once were and what we could have been, but isn’t it time we both just let that go and stop trying to fake it anymore?”
Ted nods his head with tears glossing his green eyes and wipes the tear falling down her right cheek.They share another silence, both absorbing the powerful moment and the relief that comes with letting go.
“I’ll be back tomorrow to say hello and bring the papers, ” Elinor says at last, kissing Ted on the cheek. In the meantime, someone is here to see you.”
Gina and Toby were standing in the doorway and Elinor watches Ted turn his head toward the door and see them. A peaceful look returns to his eyes and pink warms his gray cheeks. Elinor gets up and walks out of the room, looking both Toby and Gina in the eyes, with a content ‘he’s yours’ look. As she walks down the hallway, she hears laughing and the warm chirp of lips kissing from his room.
“God, did I miss you two.” She hears him say.
A tornado of emotions fill her—happiness and sadness twisting round and round inside. At last, she thinks. Something other than bitter.
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Middle of the Night Diaries
July 23–
If Kanan wakes up at 445 am for his middle of the night feed, but refuses to go back to sleep so I am forced to start my day that early—-is that technically sleeping through the night?
July 24–
Is his internal clock stuck? He woke up at 446 am! And again—refuses to go back to sleep. Oh God please don’t let this be my new morning wake up time……When I go back to work in a 3 weeks, I’ll have to wake up at 530. I can handle that….but not 445.
July 25–
I follow The Baby Whisperer’s trick to prevent a habitual wake up and do what is called wake-to-sleep. How do you do it? Set the alarm for an hour before the baby does his habitual waking and go in his room and wake him up. Not all the way—just enough to make him stir. Then go back to sleep. Kanan wakes up at 5am instead–eats and goes back to sleep!
July 26–
Baby Whisper suggests doing wake-to-sleep 3 days in a row in order to make sure the habitual wake up stays at bay. I set my alarm for 345. He stirs too much! Fully awake by 4 am—-But!—He goes back to sleep after a feeding.
July 27–
—-
Kanan slept through the night!!!!!
I had to wake him up at 7am for his first feeding and he woke up in a great mood! Even let me change his diaper before eating! This is the second time in a month….I’m hoping we are slowly getting to a norm. 🙂
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Growing too fast to wait another month!
Kanan is 4 1/2 months old now and the last two weeks, he has made some leaps that just crack me up. First of all, he has finally mastered the holding the feet trick and has even sucked on his toes a few times, but I haven’t taken a picture of that just yet. He practices as soon as he wakes up in his crib until the drowsy moments before he falls asleep. He just can’t get enough of his feet and Mike and I just can’t get enough of him playing with ’em.
Kanan has also figured out that when you have a book in your hand, you are supposed make a lot of noise out of your mouth (his perspective on reading). Now when he plays with his toys, he’ll make some coos and babbles here and there, but give him a book and 
he’ll talk your ear off. Click HERE for a video of him doing just that. Speaking of videos, we finally got one of him laughing. It’s not his full belly laugh that he has done a few times but just some giggling and very cute too. Click HERE if you would like a sample. 🙂
Kanan has reached all the milestones necessary for him to get the okay on eating solids, but because he is still a month and half away from the safe 6-month-zone, we are just having him try out stuff first and not making any solids big enough to be a meal. He has tried cereal for the last two weeks, but yesterday, he tried peas for the first time and he LOVES them! Who would have thought? Not me. But he opened his mouth over and over for more peas and I just couldn’t shovel it in fast enough to satisfy the little guy!
Kanan is moving better and better too. He is in the process of learning how to flip onto his stomach. He wanted to practice it so much today that he refused to go to sleep. He woke up at 4:45 AM to start practicing, was nice enough to sleep for 45 minutes about two hours later and then that was it. He wouldn’t take another nap no matter how hard Bobbi (his daycare provider) or I tried and he finally went down for a mere hour and a half around 3 pm. What position did he fall asleep in? You got it, a position somewhere in between his side and his stomach and boy did he wake up frustrated when he realized this. He has, however, mastered a physical movement that is causing great frustration with Mike and I and almost makes us laugh because it is so ridiculous. He has learned that he can arch his back and drop down to get out of things he doesn’t like–for example, his carseat. Trying to strap him down into his car seat feels like I’m putting him into a straight jacket!
He is getting so big and filling out so nicely that everyone thinks he is older than 4 months. We just love the little guy so much, we can’t get enough. I just want to nibble his cheeks and tell him it tastes like chicken.
TheEntrepreneurialWife 
