I Truly am Crooked

Posted in personal stuff, Random by

I laugh when I think of all the things crooked or lopsided about me. My chiropractor says everyone has a side. My right side is my gimpy side. All things crooked are on that side.  

1. my second toe (makes a right turn and dubbed my nickname)

2. my hair (went to bed one night when I was 12 with straight hair and woke up the next morning with curly hair…..and stretch marks!)

3. my tongue (If I stick it out, it curves to the right!)

4. my back (Some people have an S, I have a C and guess where are the muscles tighten around the curve? You got it! The right. 🙂 )

5. my hips— (tilted and pivoted baby—hence the C-curve in my spine to compensate. )

6. my eyes –yep, my right one is a bit squinty when I focus or smile.

7. my ears— (my right ear sticks out a bit more—call me an elf or a monkey, but only on one side. 😛 )

8. my feet— can you believe that my right foot is an entire half-a-size larger than my left? It is!

9. my gut— (gah! After my cessarian section with Kanan, my gut got twisted. A colonoscopy actually diagnosed me with tortuous somethingorother. 😮 )

10. my pinky fingers! ( I swear I broke them both and don’t remember. They zigzag! )

So honestly, with all the crookedness going on in this body, one can guess while my thoughts can be so random as well. And don’t look at me too close, you might find that I’m nothing like what you saw at first glance.

Let the Chaos Begin

Posted in Early parenting years, Kanan news, personal stuff by

The school-year has begun again and this time, I took off with a bang. Kanan and I moved into my Dad’s house two weeks ago. It is a couple of cities away but the move will save me some money for 18 months and help me get really grounded on my feet. If the market continues the way it is going, I’ll probably buy a condo at the end of my allocated time I’ve planned to get set. So yes, while I have seemingly taken a step back in my life, this is a necessary step that will help me get further ahead than I would have had I not taken it. And there is no better time than now to do this. In many ways, it has sweetened the sour taste of being a single mom because it has given me a hopeful future. But moving is stressful and so I’ve been running around the last couple of weeks trying to fine tune the details—-getting rid of stuff I’ve horded, lending things to friends or family to save room in our little room we share in the guest bedroom of my Dad’s house, and buying other things to help me organize the small space.

Then my work situation has changed—I had to move classrooms. I had no idea, I have collected to so much stuff in my classroom after 5 years of teaching. It is crazy! But I’m settled in my new class and I love it. Its a great location and I have more space. This leaves room for me to focus on the classroom management needed for my classes this year. My schedule is nuts!! I went from having two preps last year (that’s teacher jargon for two different classes which require me to prepare two different lessons) to four preps this year! I have two sections of ninth grade English (one prep), a two-hour-block with my ESL kids (2 preps), and a sheltered English 9 class for my first and second year ESL kids (another prep). Needless to say, I will have to figure out ways to plan these lessons, run my academic league team, and my adjunct duties,  and take care of my son and squeeze in some social time, along with just-me time, and Jesus time! I just took up an offer with the women’s ministry in my church to write the script for a dramatic scene they need for the women’s retreat coming up in October. I am going and am so excited to get into my creative side. I was originally planning to take another Masters course this semester, but decided to hold off until  next semester once my machine is working by itself. Yes, my life is a machine.

But to help me get focused, I’ve come up with a schedule and I also bought a devotional bible so I can read a section of the bible each day and read the whole thing in one year! I just finished the new testament last week and loved every bit of it. I know that may sound crazy to some of you, but I learned so much and it wasn’t difficult at all. Especially with the New Living Translation, understanding it is so much easier. But I wanted to read the old testament while still staying connected to the forgiving side of the new testament. that’s where this devotional comes in. It is great. I get one or two chapters from an old testament book, one chapter of a new testament book, one Psalm, and one Proverb a day. And already I am seeing connections between the books. It truly shows how divine the Bible really is. I’m on my third day of the devotional so far and bought a journal to journal my thoughts and connections in. So far, it has been a great way to end my day and get me focused on what really matters. Life distracts us from the truth!

As for Kanan, he is adjusting well. It didn’t take him more than one day to adjust to the move and I don’t think he has even noticed that I’ve gone back to work. Thank God he is already used to going to daycare since he did that during the summer on his dad’s days when he had to work. I had him every day he was in my care because I was on vacation and wanted to use every second to spend time with him. Going back to work has been hard in that area. I’ve lost my leisurely Monday’s with him and Wednesday days! But excited news is that Kanan is teething right now. I think he has like six or seven teeth coming in at the same time! Crazy, eh? I can’t wait to give him salad and other yummy veggie options he hasn’t tried because his six teeth couldn’t help him. He is leaving me this weekend to go up to Mammoth with his dad and his grandparents. It will be good for him, but I am going to miss him so much. I plan to just keep myself so busy, I can’t dwell on the fact that I am not with him. Sometimes I think I need him more than he needs me, you know?

So…..we will see how this year pans out. Normally I’m a crazy mess by now, but God is seeing me through as he promised. I prayed for patience this year and peace. And in effect, I have noticed less anxiety and I having been taking the stresses in stride much more. I hope this sticks! 🙂

Fireman Kanan

Posted in Kanan news by
Kanan and Fireman Garret pose for Mommy

Kanan and Fireman Garret pose for Mommy

A local Fire Department just opened today and so families eveywhere came to the gorgeous property to watch the ceremony, eat hotdogs and cotton candy, take tours, sit inside the firetrucks, experience smoke simulations and learn safety tips, as well as dress up in fireman clothes.

Kanan and I got there around 11 o’clock and endured the humid morning by keeping ourselves occupied with the excitement of the fire department. Kanan did all the above minus the food. He really enjoyed getting behind the wheel of one of the firetrucks. And during the smoke simulation, when Fireman Garret told us to get on our knees and crawl out of the house, Kanan decided to lay down in a yoga position coincidentally called “child’s pose” until we gave up our Kanan calls and I picked him up and carried him out of the “fire.” It was funny. Later I waited for 15 minutes in line with my spirited child (mother’s of spirited children understand what I’m taking about) to get a cool plastic fireman hat, but learned they ran out just two people ahead of us. We then decided to leave for lunch instead of wait in the much longer line for free hotdogs.

Here is a cute picture of Kanan. Feel free to see more through the Flickr thumbnails down below. He doesn’t look impressed, but he did enjoy himself. He just didn’t like holding poses for his silly mom and her darn camera.

Me, Just Different

Posted in personal stuff by
Me sporting my short hair and glasses with my friend Kelley at Chevy's last night

Me sporting my short hair and glasses with my friend Kelley at Chevy's last night

So my wild locks have been growing out of control for some time now. They had grown to the middle of my back and while that length is pretty when healthy, my over-grown layers and split ends kept me constantly putting it into a ponytail unless I was going somewhere and needed to look nice, in which then I straightened to a more controled state. So I decided to get a hair cut. Nothing extreme. I just wanted the dead ends trimmed and some layers cut again to take away the weight. When I asked the hair dresser how much would be necessary, she showed me about an inch and a half of my ends. I thought—okay, I can handle that. Then I told her “please keep the length as much as you can and cut the minimum amount necessary.” Then I showed her a picture of the style I was hoping for and off she went. When she was done, I couldn’t believe what I saw reflecting back at me. My hair looked nothing like the picture. Two days later I grabbed my eyebrow scissors and cut off the bottom layer of my haircut to make it look better. It was a bold move, but I was broke and couldn’t get it fixed professionally. If I held back, I would still be walking around with hair that looked like a bob-cut in the front but with a thin longer layer in the back that didn’t fit and made my hair look like a strange rendition of a mullet. Between the hair and my new glasses (darker, thicker, and squarer) I’m having to get used to the new me. I feel a bit more mommyish and a bit more simple, but at least my hair is easier to manage. I’ll just have to start over in my attempt to grow out my hair and next time, I won’t cheat on my regular hairdresser.

The Lifestyle and Connotation of “Single Mom” or “Single Dad”

Posted in my thoughts, personal stuff by

When MIke and I did the Kanan trade-off yesterday so common to parents who have split up, I began sharing with him about my shopping experience at the mall. As I had mentioned in a previous post, I used to be a very fashionable and self-absorbed person, but that has changed since I’ve had Kanan and found the Lord. I went on to tell Mike that there were so many cute clothes that I wanted but those clothes didn’t fit my lifestyle anymore. Its not like I’m running around in sweats or anything. I still wear cute clothes, just not clothes that are meant for a 23 year old woman without kids. Short shorts? Not when you have a toddler you are constantly chasing and are constantly bending over to pick him up or kiss his booboos. Satin, sliver-of-midriff baring peasant blouses for 80 bucks at BEBE? Not if you go out on the town like once every six months and don’t have anything scheduled in the short run. It felt wrong to spend 80 dollars on a shirt I’d wear like once this year when I could buy 4 shirts I could wear a dozen times each. I suppose if my income were greater that shirt would be different, but that goes back to being a “single” mom.

I said to Mike—“I’m a single mother. Those clothes don’t fit my lifestyle anymore.” Okay, fine, those clothes wouldn’t fit the lifestyle of many mothers regardless of her singledom or not, but that is what I said, and in the end, that is not the main point of this blog. The main point of this blog is Mike’s response. Mike then said, “you are not a single mom. Being a single mom implies Kanan has a dead-beat father who is not around.” To which I answered, “No. Single mother means Dad and Mom aren’t together anymore.” He thought about it a minute and said he never thought of himself as a single father and still doesn’t see it that way.  

So now I am wondering, when you, my beloved readers, hear the words “single mother” or “single father,” what do you automatically assume? Every word comes with the baggage of connotation associated with it. But do all “single moms” and “single dads” come with the same baggage? Do we live in a world with so many “deadbeat” mothers and fathers that they have tainted the very word “single parent?” In a world where divorce rates are at 50 percent and illegitimate children are prevalent, aren’t there more people like MIke and I—decent people who are not together anymore, but share equal custody of our children? Should there be a new word for folks like us? And finally, am I being too prude about the lifestyle of a single mom? Should I be buying sexy 80 dollar shirts I couldn’t wear for 6 months, or wear it anyway while I’m grocery shopping or at the park?

As much as it humbles me to even have to be writing this post given my values have changed, I am eager for an answer. Regardless, I am a walking contradiction to what I believe is the only way a family should be made and living proof that any other way increases the likelyhood of a broken family and broken hearts.To me, I am a single mother, for a lack of a more accurate word. I wish I weren’t. I never thought I would be. And if I could turn things around and have done things the right way, I would. But with God’s grace, I pray he turn lemons into lemonade and I won’t have to be one forever. And if I am one forever, that he change my heart so that I am content with it, regardless of the baggage that came with it.

Our Latest Photo Changes—Flickr

Posted in Random by

I finally jumped on the bandwagon and joined Flickr. So I will not have to post links to photo streams into my blogs anymore. If you are interested in the latest photo streams just look to the right for thumbnails of 10 of the latest pics I’ve uploaded onto Flickr. You can click anyone to see it clearly and you can see more by clicking “more.” If you are truly obsessed with the latest pictures of Kanan (isn’t everybody? Oh yeah, I forget, I’m the mommy, of course I think everyone is obsessed even if it is just me) you can even subscribe to our photo feed on our flickr page. Our alias is crookedt. Now I wish I had that red easy button because wow, this is much easier!

Happy 4th of July!

Posted in Early parenting years, Kanan news, My Former Life Before Jesus by

Well, this Independence Day, Kanan and I first spent time at the beach and watching all the packing in, went on a bike ride with Kanan’s Dad and played at the park. Then after we had lunch and said goodbye, the little munckin and I jumped into the car and went up to my old stomping grounds in Upland, California to celebrate our life, liberty, and pursuit of happiness away from the madness of San Diego. Kanan slept about 45 min of the ride up which gave him enough of a rest to keep him going the rest of the day. We had a great time swimming and playing with the other little kids in my friend Lisa’s backyard.  I thought for sure Kanan would be ready for another nap around 4 or so given he slept so little, but the little guy didn’t want to go to bed until around 9 oclock! After all the fun in the sun and barbeque food, he took a bubble bath with his good friend Nolan and then got ready for bed. Here he is all decked out in his Fourth of July clothes. Thanks Great Auntie Julie for the cool shorts. They were a hit! Although Kanan wasn’t too impressed as we can see in the photo. Oh well, this stuff is mostly for our pleasure anyway, right?