Kanan update—the good, the bad, and the ugly!

Posted in Early parenting years, Kanan news by

The Good:

Kanan went to the doctor’s last Friday for his well checkup. Mike was there for most of it, but I came in for a short time to drop off my new health insurance information and came in just as tge pediatrician was telling him that Kanan is advanced for his age in his verbal skills and he is right on target for other milestones for his age. He is in the 75th percentile for his weight and height (I don’t remember the actual weight and height though because I came late and saw only the percentiles while Mike got to hear the details).

Two really cool things he said recently include:

  • “Momma, what wrong?” ( I was crying about something when he said this….so cute. Showed empathy and good language skills)
  • “I want breakfast! I want breakfast!” (This was right after he woke up last week during his growth spurt).

He has a total of 10 teeth. Four on top, two on the bottom and four molars. He finally can chew raw veggies which excites me. Of course, the only raw veggies he will eat is salad if it is doused in Italian dressing. But that is good. It’s a start. He still doesn’t fall for steamed veggies covered in cheese sauce or peas mixed in with his Mac and Cheese so I’m still using Jessica Seinfeld’s technique of blending veggies and sneaking them into sauces and other foods. It works.

Kanan is also starting to experiment with the potty. He hasn’t actually gone to the bathroom in it yet, but he sits on it. And he even asks for toilet paper and tries to wipe himself. So funny!

Finally, Kanan loves his new place here at Grandpa’s and looks forward to the weekends when he gets to see his grandparents. He loves spending time with his Dad of course. He eagerly runs to them when they are home and gives them hugs and kisses before bed on Saturday and Sunday nights. On my days, Kanan and I go on bike rides, play with Kanan’s new friend across the street named Hailey (and her super cool Mom who is now my new friend! Yay!), go to the park, and go on walks (Kanan’s newest self-made ritual is a walk to the park after dinner. He initiates the walk and I spend the whole time following him where he wants to go—so cool! We also draw together and read books. Kanan often reads books by himself too. Tonight I came into the room to find Kanan with one of his books and he was jibber-jabbering to himself about choo-choos. I looked at the book and there on the page was a picture of a train. So he knows what he is talking about! 🙂 Good “reading comprehension” I suppose. As for his other life—Mike tells me that Kanan is learning to boogie board and is even trying to balance on the board, so hopefully surfing will be a natural next step. They go the beach almost every day they spend together. They also go out to eat a lot with Mike’s buddies. And Mike recently took Kanan to the Birch Aquarium where Kanan had a wonderful time.

The Bad:

At this recent checkup, they gave him 4 shots. Of what I don’t remember, but I must say, he was a miserable mess the next day. I took him to Bate’s Nut Farm (Folks around here call it Nate’s Butt Farm—just rolls off the tongue better, ya know?) with my Dad and Linda expecting for Kanan to have a great ol’ time jumping in the jumper, sliding down slides, going on haystack rides, petting the animals, etc. But instead, my little grumpy baby screamed his head off until I layed him down in his stroller and stuck a pacifier in his mouth, whereby he instantly passed out. We hadn’t even made it to lunch yet. When he woke up, he was interested in the ducks and Turkeys but could care less about the jumper which is crazy because he LOVES LOVES LOVES jumpers. He normally jumps around in it with all the other youngsters and screams “jum, jum!” But not this time.This time, after the birds, he was obsessed with going on the haystack ride. He called it a choo-choo. It was a train of wagons pulled by a tractor so I can see where he saw the resemblance. We waited in line. Well more like I waited and he screamed with impatience. I was exhausted to say the least.

The Ugly:

It was a tough day. And to top it all off, I made the mistake of trying to cheer him up with a sip or two of Sprite. Well, it attracted a honey bee and the bee stung Kanan on his eye! At that point we decided to go home. Poor kid. I pulled the stinger out and we put some medicine on his eye to prevent any swelling. He was okay. He had a reddish ring around his eye the following day, but otherwise, no deadly reactions.

He is finally starting to get back to his old self today aside from one temper tantrum, and some night wakings but the temper tantrums just might be his new self given he is at that age. We are all practicing ignoring his fits and hoping that he figures out they just don’t work at getting what he wants. Cross your fingers for me, please! 😛

The Truth:

Regardless of the good, the bad, or the ugly—my child makes me smile everyday. He is a joy. He is a blessing. I love him so much. I truly know now what “agapeo” love is. And I hope this update made you as happy as it made me while writing it. If you are not mentally ill or severely irresponsible, I strongly suggest you have child if you haven’t already done so. You will not regret it! 🙂

The Fear of Being a Starving Teacher–(am I serious or is this a satirical commentary?)

Posted in Random by

http://www.cnn.com/2008/POLITICS/10/03/california.loan/index.html?section=cnn_latest

If California doesn’t get its $7 billion loan, I will have two choices: work for free and hope oneday I get my money. In the meantime, sell my car (if I can), ask my parents to take care of Kanan and then get a ride home from my friend Al, who is a teacher but married to a rich woman who keeps getting richer because the poorer America gets, the more alcohol they drink, thus helping her winery—so I can take care of my son since my parents will have to go to work in the evenings….and thus will go my life.

Or

I can put all integrity aside and join in the race for survival by feeding the alcoholism that is increasing in this nation by going back to my old profession of cocktail waitress.

 

In the meantime…..is this really happening? Where am I?

The Potty

Posted in Early parenting years, Kanan news, mommyhood by

Yes, it is that time. Now I am not expecting anything grand. I know Kanan is a boy and chances are he won’t be fully potty trained until he is three, but I thought I could start now. And so far, it has been quite interesting.

Kanan and I bought the potty at Walmart on Wednesday. Nothing spectacular, just a simple $9.95 potty from Safety First that can sit on the floor, fold into a stool, and also can have the seat removed and inserted into the adult seat on the big potty.

That night, I pulled out  the potty and showed it to Kanan. I told him what it was and asked him to sit on it. He was quite eager to do so. However, instead of approaching the seat from the front side and backing up and then bending down to sit on it like one would expect, my little guy approached the potty from the backside and straddled it like a ride-along toy. I laughed. Then I pulled his legs to the front of the potty and watched. He sat happily, smiling his amused smile and babbling as he always does when content. I talked about pee-pee and poo-poo and how we do it on the potty. He listened and then he got up and moved on to bigger and better things. It was a good start.

About an hour and a half later, right before it was time for Kanan’s bath, I tried again. I pulled it out and he happily sat on it (straddle style again) then I sat on the big potty and told him that we could both go. He sat amused, but was over it in like 2 minutes. So into the bathtub he went. And what happened? He played for 5 minutes and then got this funny expression on his face and then he grunted and looked relieved. I ran toward the tub (I was standing at the sink) and shouted “no, don’t go poo-poo!” It was too late. There floating in the white bubbles amongst orange shovels and blue toy cars was a long brown turd. I pulled Kanan out immediately, took the bowl out of his toddler potty and scooped up the turd and dumped into the toilet. I showed Kanan the turd in the toilet and flushed it. He looked quite perplexed and then reached for the flusher to try it out himself. Then he walked away dripping wet to go play. I wanted to dry him off. But the images of bacteria infesting my bathtub and toys haunted me. I couldn’t do anything but solve that problem first. I quickly poured bleach into the tub and turned on scalding hot water to soak his toys as well. I threw the potty bowl in there too. Then I attempted to find my wet son but didn’t take long because I heard him shouting in the bedroom “eh-eh!” and pointing at the ground. There on my freshly vacuumed carpet was a second turd.

Maybe this potty training thing will be harder than I thought. 😛

Teenagers These Days: rantings of a scribbling woman

Posted in depression/anxiety, my thoughts, teaching by

I’ve got a stack of ninth grade English class essays in front of me that I just started reading. I’m down to the last five and am learning so much about my students. It’s perfect that we plan for this essay the first six weeks because for the kids who actually do the essay (an autobiographical narrative), it does teach me much about why they are the way they are.

But this year, I am especially sad by what I am reading. Sure, the bad grammar and elementary vocabulary is depressing, but more importantly, it’s the stories. I asked my students to write about a time in their life that was monumental or that signified a turning point for them, a moment which in some ways defined who they were or why they were who they were. This year, I’ve read some stories that make my heart break. Stories of drug addicted mothers, foster care, abusive fathers, and gang deaths. Stories of abandonment and a desperate need for love.

Sometimes I think I will have to read these essays over and over again when I want to get mad at my students for not being what I think they should be. Yes, they should try hard. Yes, they should keep getting back up when they fall and reach their goals. But lets face it, where are they going to learn that from? The home is the most important environment these kids have and most of them are broken. In the town I teach in, divorce is common; drug use, gang violence, poverty, alcoholism, child abuse, sexual activity, and illiteracy is a norm. And then to make that worse, they have all the radio stations and the movies teaching them that indulging in sex, drugs, violence, and greed for money is a normal and expected way to live and will fill their life with joy.

Meanwhile we have politicians, judges, and other American citizens pointing their fingers at the education system and screaming out that we are the ones who failed their children. Now I am not saying that our education system doesn’t need work. Believe me, this NCLB bologna is ridiculous and only leaving more kids behind but we could be amazing at what we do, and I still feel we’d have a problem. Why? Because how can I expect a 14-year-old teenager to pass his classes and his state exams at proficiency level when he lives in a home with 10 other people including his drunk father and his mother who works three jobs to support him and his best friend just died in a gang shooting, and he himself is being pressured by all the violence in his neighborhood to join a gang too so he can have protection and he can’t read very well because no one read to him when he was a child and meanwhile he wants money because all the music he listens to and movies he watches and commercials he zones in on tell him that money will give him everything he wants and right now school doesn’t seem like its going to work out for him, but selling drugs could give him some instant cash so…….

Do you understand what I am saying? No, not all of my kids are gang members, but many of them come from everything just short of that. I’ve got a 14 year old girl who is pregnant, another student who is living alone in a 1 bedroom room he rents while working 2 jobs and going to high school so he can live the American dream. I’ve got another student who is so proud right now because his mom has been clean from meth for 10 months and he thinks she finally kicked the habit so they can be a family again.

This is what our society has left for our grandchildren. I wasn’t here 50 years ago, but from what my parents tell me and my grandparents, this wasn’t the norm then. This wasn’t the problem with education then. So what is different?

I think greed and an overall indulging and condoning of immorality has corrupted this world in a way it hasn’t seen since Sodom and Gomorrah or the times of Noah.

So now what to do?

So many of my student’s writing is so poor despite my scaffolding, I will have to give them a D or an F on their essay, but what I really want to do is give them a big hug and tell them that despite what has happened to them, they are actually doing really well. And I will for many of them. I’ll give them their grade because I can’t fuel the system by just pushing these kids a long, but I will love them the whole time I set the standard high. And I will encourage and support them as they try to learn (or not) the skills I am instructed to teach them.

What else can I do?

It’s not just the education system that needs to be changed people. It is everything. Its turning off that song on the radio that glamorizes sex and drugs no matter how much we just like the beat because if we all did, the radio station would stop playing it and that would be that many fewer kids being indoctrinated to believe that way of life is normal and good. It’s about going to marriage counseling and being true to our vows to our husbands or wives even if we aren’t in love anymore because that is what marriage is about and that is what our kids need. It’s about teaching our kids to find joy in giving rather than just taking. It’s about going to the library if we can’t afford to buy books and checking out one bedtime book to read to our kids even if we really want to watch that lame reality TV show instead. It’s about teaching our kids that they can have some self-control and not have sex even if the world tells them they should. It’s about sacrificing our own selfish desires for the better of others. Can we do this? Honestly, I know of only one way we can all transform…..and you all know my stance on that. But it is a condition of the heart. And that condition is something I don’t think will change for better anytime soon.

So in the meantime, I will continue to love these kids. And hope and pray that we all survive the future that they will bring on this world when they become our next voters and leaders of this country.

Did Sesame Street Do it?

Posted in Kanan news by

When Kanan was an infant, there were days when he didn’t want to go down for a nap. What I got was a fussy baby until he finally gave in, but his schedule was thrown off because of the catch-up nap. But it has been many moons since I experienced that and Kanan has turned into an amazing sleeper. He naps everyday for 1 and a half to 3 hours and still sleeps 11 to 12 hours at night without waking up (and if he does, he just finds his pacifier and goes back to sleep. ) Well that changed yesterday and I am in the process of analyzing the situation and determining what exactly happend. Why would I go through such trouble? You ask. Well, when an 18 month old is already down to just one nap, skipping it can really mess things up.

Oddly enough, yesterday went fairly well despite his refusal to go to sleep. He made a big fuss about going down. I tried twice to put him down. But when the second time seemed futile, I decided that given I had nothing really planned for the day, I would experiment with the results of giving in. What was I supposed to do anyway? Let him cry it out for 2 hours? I don’t do that. Sorry CIO moms, I’ll let it go 15 minutes max. Kanan faired very well. He was cheerful and playful and full of energy. By 525, I was looking at my bright-eyed child and thinking, did he squeeze in 5 minutes of sleep before he started screaming and this just helped him enough? But the truth screamed in all its glory at 5:30 when Kanan stopped mid-play, stared at nothing for about 30 seconds and then threw himself to the floor and started crying non-stop. I knew then and there that it would be a rapid race to bed. I quickly bathed my screaming child, dressed him in a dry diaper and some jammies and took him out to say goodnight to Grandma and Grandpa. They were worried. You are going to put him down at 6? What if he wakes at 5? But I did anyway. I raced him into the room for story-time in fast forward. I got to page 3 of Winnie the Pooh’s Big Adventure, and looked down at Kanan to see his head slumped forward, eyes closed, and mouth open. My son was passed out!! So I put him in bed without dinner and the boy slept fitfully but continuously until 620 this morning when I woke him because I had to leave for work. I had to help him go back to sleep twice because of how fitful he was. Lack of sleep produces worse sleep in children contrary to what many people believe.

So what happend?

My conclusion—- Sesame Street.

We watched Sesame Street for the first time yesterday. And of all the times to introduce this lovely puppet show, I did it  yesterday after lunch and before he was supposed to go down for his nap. Why else do I think Sesame Street is the culprit? Well because after I did release him from his barred crib, he came out merrily to the living room and pointed at the tv and said “eh-eh?” Which is his baby jargon for “I want this.”

So, we will see what happens today. Hopefully he will go down for his nap at daycare so I can spend time with him tonight. Its one thing for him to not go down for a nap on the weekend because I see him all day. But when I don’t see him all day due to work, the last thing I want is to lose an hour and a half of quality time with him because he needs to go to bed while my daycare provider reaps all the benefits of gaining more time with her favorite child. And yes, I do believe my child is her favorite. Its an extra sparkle I see in her eyes when he’s around her even when the other kids are around. Or maybe its just my own bias interpreting everything completely wrong. Either way—I want my child to stay up until 730!

Sep 22, the First Day of Autumn

Posted in poetry by

 

 Autumn has come like a thief in the night

 and stolen it all from me.

 Today, I see the first faded brown possiblility fall to the earth

soon to be dry and crunching beneath my feet

as I walk among the leaves wondering—why? how?

It almost seemed like a dream

too sudden and too good and too gone

to be real.

How long will this season last?

Will the death and absence of all in the white

of winter come and go just as quickly,

so I can find the green in spring once again?

Or will the queen pick up the dead leaves of her splendor

and make herself a bed of dust to dwell in the

long, cold winter?

Oh come Spring! I want to dance again!

Exploring a New Side of Writing

Posted in personal stuff, Religion/Christianity/Philosophy by

So obviously I write. That’s a given. But since I returned to church after 13 years or so of absence, I have begun to try out a new side of writing that I didn’t know I had. It started out a month or so ago when my friend Kelley asked me to write a sketch for a special event through the Women’s Ministry at my church.  I said okay but was a bit scared. I have never written anything that could be performed. But after learning about the message of the event, I went to work and then I acted it in it along with another woman. It went well! It felt great to feel the Lord working through me to write out a sketch that would speak to women’s hearts and teach them where they need to grow spiritually. I had a number of women approach me afterward with their thoughts all of which were great. I kept saying–“It was the Lord! Thank him!” Because honestly, this is not my gift. I write. I act. But I don’t write pieces to be acted out.

Well, since then, I have been asked by another woman in the Women’s Ministry to write another sketch for a big Women’s Retreat coming up in October. I told her I need two weeks. I prayed. I waited. Nothing came. I was starting to ponder whether or not I should tell her, it just wouldn’t work out. But three days before I was suppose to have come up with something, ideas flooded my mind and I went to work. I am so excited about this next sketch. There will be no words. It will rely on just acting and it will be set either to a song by Barlow Girl called “I need you to love me” or “Times” by Tenth Avenue North. While I feel the lyrics of “Times” are more powerful, I feel the female vocals of “I Need You To Love Me” will fit the women’s theme a bit more.  The message is about love obviously, but about the mission of our church: to love God, to love each other, and to love the lost. We worked out getting the actors. I needed six of them. I will be acting in one of the lead roles and I’m assuming directing the sketch given I wrote it and have it all set in my head as to how I want it to look in order to send the message I feel God wants women in our church to know. But I am just so excited to be tapping into something that I didn’t know I had. And perhaps I didn’t have it until now. Through God, anything is possible.

In the end, the success of this sketch will be by its fruit. It would be an honor and a blessing to move the women at the retreat to live a life that reflects God’s character. I will try and get a video clip of it when it is all said and done. I wish I had videotaped the last one, but oh well.

Meanwhile, the Angels Surround Him (In remembrance of 9-11)

Posted in poetry by

In memory of 9-11, I decided to include a copy of a poem  I wrote in a creative writing class I was taking the fall semester of 2001. The assigment for that week was to pick up a newspaper and look at the pictures and let a picture inspire a poem. The North County Times that week had included an article on the rescuers who were in the process of digging for survivers in the rubble of Ground Zero. The picture they used was one of a firefighter, looking completely defeated, sitting down in the rubble with his head down almost between his knees. I wrote this poem entitled “Meanwhile, the Angels Surround Him.” I hope you like it.

I close my eyes and sit on broken plywood,

black smoke, cracked brick, rising dirt, shattered glass

and blood, some dried, some warm–

once two towers of strength and pride,

now a tomb

of unfinished dreams and unsaid goodbyes.

I’ve sifted through burned pictures

of your children, your husbands, and wives.

I can feel their tears mixing with my own.

I’ve choked on the dust and breathed in the darkness

that surrounds and envelops this black and blurry dream

If only I could dig faster

I’ve been searching for days

And have carried and held your friends, coworkers, neighbors

I’ve watched some live and some die.

But it’s you who make me weep–

only a couple more days before you’re gone too.

I can hear your voices

screaming for your saviors, in my head

My blood-stained hands, calloused and sore

wipe the sweat from my brow

and I pray to God to give us all strength

My Newest Favorite Band

Posted in Random by

What an awesome surprise to have heard Tenth Avenue North play as an opening band for Mercy Me this summer. Since then, I’ve been listening to their music and just feeling totally moved and inspired by their lyrics. This is my current favorite song by them. It is a Christian song and is a dialog between a person and God. So awesome.

Tenth Avenue North— “Times”
I know I need You
I need to love You
I love to see You, but it’s been so long
I long to feel You
I feel this need for You
And I need to hear You, is that so wrong?
Oh, oh. Oh, oh. Oh, oh.
Oh, oh. Oh, oh. Oh, oh.
Now You pull me near You
When we’re close, I fear You
Still I’m afraid to tell You, all that I’ve done
Are You done forgiving?
Oh can You look past my pretending?
Lord, I’m so tired of defending, what I’ve become
What have I become?
Oh, oh. Oh, oh. Oh, oh.
Oh, oh. Oh, oh. Oh, oh.
Oh, oh. Oh, oh. Oh, oh.
Oh, oh. Oh, oh. Oh, oh.
I hear You say,
“My love is over. It’s underneath.
It’s inside. It’s in between.
The times you doubt Me, when you can’t feel.
The times that you question, ‘Is this for real? ‘
The times you’re broken.
The times that you mend.
The times that you hate Me, and the times that you bend.
Well, My love is over, it’s underneath.
It’s inside, it’s in between.
These times you’re healing, and when your heart breaks.
The times that you feel like you’re falling from grace.
The times you’re hurting.
The times that you heal.
The times you go hungry, and are tempted to steal.
The times of confusion, in chaos and pain.
I’m there in your sorrow, under the weight of your shame.
I’m there through your heartache.
I’m there in the storm.
My love I will keep you, by My pow’r alone.
I don’t care where you fall, where you have been.
I’ll never forsake you, My love never ends.
It never ends.”
Oh, oh. Oh, oh. Oh, oh.
Oh, oh. Oh, oh. Oh, oh.