Many of my friends and family know that we have been going through a roller coaster ride of stress the last few months when it has come to my husband’s health. Over the last 2 months, he has had almost daily bouts of the following symptoms:

• Chest Pains
• Difficulty Breathing
• Fast Heart Rate
• Fevers
• Chills
• Night Sweats
• Nausea
• Weak Stomach
• Light-Headedness
• Foggy Thinking
• Fatigue
• Poor ability to taste
• Weight Loss

We went to Urgent Care a few weeks ago and they noticed a fever and took an X-ray to look at his lungs, only to find something funky looking around his heart. So we were sent to the ER.

The ER doctors gave him an EKG, which turned out abnormal. Then did a series of tests to see if he was having heart problems. The blood tests came back fine. We were sent home.

Then the next day, they called us and said, “We never saw that you had an X-ray of your chest. Your heart does look strange. Please see a cardiologist.”

Due to insurance issues and paperwork, we didn’t get a chance to even see his primary physician until it was a week and half after the ER visit. During that week, his stomach was really bothering him, so he mainly explained those symptoms, but did explain that the week prior it was his chest. He did not mention his fevers because he didn’t make the connection. The doctor then diagnosed him with acid reflux and said that he’d schedule him with a CT-scan the following week to just rule out the heart and lung issue, but he was not concerned. He wanted to see how Owen felt after being on Zantac a few days.

Well the Zantac wasn’t working. In fact, Owen’s symptoms persisted and even got worse. Now his chest pains were back again in addition to his stomach. After another night of drenching night sweats and watching him writhe in pain on the couch with another spiked fever, I called the doctor and desperately asked for advice. He said to go to the ER and get a CT-scan of his chest, stat.

And so we did.

The ER doctors were concerned. The CT scan showed a 10 centimeter sized mass near his heart and what looked like increased fluid around the sac of his heart from what they saw in the X-ray. They sent Owen upstairs to stay the weekend and get an ultrasound and biopsy on the mass. They also gave him numerous blood tests to see if he had some sort of infection.

We prayed. Everyone prayed. Facebook prayer chains were flowing quickly.

The next morning he got the ultrasound. That was Sunday. Then finally, on Monday, he got his biopsy. That same day, and Oncologist came to Owen’s room, and said with a matter-of-fact tone, “You have lymphoma. We are going to kill it. And then you will live a long, healthy life.”

Owen looked up the disease. Textbook. All his symptoms. All textbook lymphoma. Then add the CT scan to find the mass in his chest. It seemed certain. He had lymphoma.

Hearing this news, gave us both a very strange emotion. Given that it was a highly curable cancer, we felt sort of relieved. They had an answer to his pain and suffering. And not only was the answer something that wouldn’t kill him if treated, it would actually stop his misery. Yes, it is devastating to hear you have cancer. But when it is a curable cancer, it is almost better than not knowing what is wrong with you, writhing in pain, and wondering if you will suffer this way your whole life.

So that was this Monday. Since then all the blood tests show no infection, otherwise. So it makes absolute sense. There’s no other explanation.

It is now Thursday night as I write this.

This week, we have been processing cancer. And we have been waiting on the official results of the biopsy, expecting to learn from it, not that he had it, but whether or not it was Hodgkin’s, the highly curable lymphoma, or Non-Hodgkins lymphoma, the still good, but not as highly curable lymphoma.

In the meantime, we have been flooded with love and encouragement from our family, friends, and extended friends on Facebook. I cannot believe how much support we have received. Truly a humbling experience. And since he was admitted into the hospital last Saturday, he has been covered in prayer by not only our family and close friends, but extended friends as well. We’ve heard that Owen’s name has been added to numerous prayer chains all over.

So today, while I was at work, Owen called and said the Oncologist called and wanted him to stop by his office in Temecula to go over the results. It couldn’t have been more perfect of timing because I was in Temecula and not in my classroom. I was able to step out of the meeting I was in and go meet him.

“Oh, you,” The Oncologist said to Owen with overwhelmed eyes and an exasperated voice, when he saw him in the waiting room. “I’ve been going over your case all weekend. Come in, Come in.”

Owen walked in now scared that its way worse than they thought.

“We don’t really know,” he said. “We need to do more tests.”

When I heard these words, I was filled with excitement and relief, and yet, strangely, disappointment. I know that sounds strange, but it goes back to seeing my husband suffering the last 2 months and knowing there is a mass in his chest. I want to know what my husband has, and I want it to be something that is curable.

So now Owen goes in for a PT-scan. Hopefully as soon as tomorrow. Maybe next Monday. It will see if there is malignancy in the mass outside of the area where the biopsy was taken. This will tell us if there is another type of cancer that is happening, or something benign. And what to do from there. Most likely take a larger biopsy from the area that lights up in the PT scan.

Whatever it is, we know he has been miserable with the symptoms we listed above. He has something in his chest and it is hurting him. This is something no one wants to live with. There are times the pain is so bad, it is debilitating. Whatever it is, I just want it to be cured. I want to see my husband live a long healthy life.

So we wait.

Again.

I hate waiting.

Do you know what I’m praying for now? I’m praying that mass is gone when they do the pet-scan. I’m praying God has cured my husband.

And if he chooses not to, that the doctors can figure out what he has, and help him get better.