Change is something we cannot escape. It is something many of us love and thrive on, and something many of us hate, and resist, kicking and screaming. Even if we need it, we often still resist.
Change is often good. But not always.
Regardless, it is a part of life.
I have a love/hate relationship with change. If life continues on and on without any change, I look forward to it. But only if it is not uncomfortable. I like comfort. I don’t like painful change. I like invigorating change.
When I changed my belief system 7 years ago and accepted Christ as my savior and Lord, I loved so much of the change I felt inside and how I viewed the world. But I hated the consequences of that change. The boyfriend of 6 years who refused to marry me because I had changed. The decision to leave and start a new life with my 1 year old son, alone….but with God.
God blessed that change. Within a couple of years I was newly married to a God-loving man, and within the last 5 years I’ve been blessed with 2 other children and now pregnant with another one.
Last year, my husband and I were talking about our desire for change—for me to be able to come home and raise our kids while he ran his new business. But it didn’t seem enough to just continue as we were going. Owen said its like a dog who is sitting on a nail. It hurt, but not enough to just get up and move away. But enough to whine and wimper about it all day. I was tired of wimpering and whining. Stuck with an income so tight that a dent in a fender would put us in debt, was not life for us, let alone have the luxury of me coming home. If we wanted that change, I’d have to start other ventures that could supplement the income enough so that I could eventually leave teaching while he worked harder on growing his business as well. Doing nothing would change nothing.
Teaching by day, raising kids by afternoon and weekend, and writing resumes and memoirs and children’s books by night is not easy. It is uncomfortable a times. At other times, it is invigorating. Exciting. I am being pushed to go beyond myself and even at times, enjoy the challenge and seeing its fruits–the books I’ve always wanted to write but never had the time.
This change is necessary. And in the end, I know it will pay off.
To a better future. Because without change, it just can’t happen.